PUA vs Seducere
Unhappy about “The Game” by Neil Strauss? Read on:
A user who attended our seminary in Rome sent me a very stimulating letter, asking what were our thoughts about PUA and on the American way of seduction in general. This is the kind of seduction (even existing in Italy) who claims that there must be a list of things to do to impress a girl you want, so to “conquer” her and to “castigate”, “punish” her. (Check out our forum about this useless war vocabulary to understand what I mean). Here are some snippets from the letter:
“Hi Spagnolo, great workshop. I´ve been following your site for a few months, reading your posts. I started 3 years ago following the PUA scene (American seduction) which, to my understanding, you do not agree with. I got engaged almost a month after, and I did not do anything until the summer, when I followed some PUA classes in Milan, including a famous one, that kind of disappointed me on a human point of view, despite their validity. After this disappointment I started to read manuals such as the M3, The Game and your site. I have to say that the first part of the seminary, where you talked about refusal and not being afraid to act was fantastic. You should go deeper with it. In PUA slang, my problem is “fear of success” and it is a big one, like many people I know. The reason is simple: I am scared to lose the progress made after such hard work and dedication. Let´s be honest, whoever searches for seduction sites has gained a lot of delusions and does not want to feel more pain. […]
Strangely, I think it is harder to give a first kiss than to get them in bed. One of my biggest problems is my social anxiety, being free from other people´s judgment. A. spoke about it, but I do not fully agree with him saying that anybody thinks about himself, because if this was true things like gossip or the big brother would not exist. People likes to judge, in order to move the attention away from themselves because of their insecurity. We are social animals and depend on opinions.
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In conclusing, I say that it was obviously really interesting. I hope my email will be met with interest, as I believe it will. I do not mean to judge, but I hope I can give you a good idea to improve yourself. Bye and congratulations again, keep it up!
V.”
My reply:
Hi V., thanks for your summary!
We are also familiar with PUA, but we parted ways with it 3-4 years ago, in order to answer to those questions that PUA is unable to resolve. I still believe in the value of Mystery´s approach, a figure who opened the doors to the teaching of seduction worldwide, showing that it was not only magic, but strict rules. We were not satisfied about PUA´s tips for the simple fact that turned off a lot of other people. The tips work up to a certain extend, but personality gets always in the way. There is some kind of initial placebo effect, but it dies out as you come back to your original status and get laid even less than before, because now you have tons of other things on your mind.
Everything is centered on the fact that you need to showcase a superior value (DHV), automatically implying your inferiority, just because the girl is beautiful. This approach creates anxiety of all kinds: approach anxiety, performance anxiety, social anxiety…you name it.
This method almost makes you feel as if getting a girl to follow you to bed is a technical task and a challenge. There are those who they call “natural” ones, who succeed by nature. Seducere wants to get you into the mindset of that natural, who believes to be superior or equal to the girl, feeling completely alright with himself thanks to his life experiences. He does not think he needs to prove anything to anybody. Power moves, for example, are a common thing that feels natural for a man that connects with a woman that he´ll take to bed.
Rest assured that this works 40 times better than any other neg. In your case, you say that you have sex frequently. But you are not feeling satisfied, right? We´ve all been trough that. As I tried to explain at the seminary, we don´t feel good merely fucking somebody after pretending to be superior, not even believing in it ourselves. We look for human warmth. We want to feel a real connection with another human being, for a night or for longer periods. You can only achieve this by exposing your own faults, relaxing and showing your defects without apologizing for them, making you feel cool, if you want to put it like that. Showing your faults will help you free yourself from anxiety and it will make you feel good, since you have nothing left to hide. Let your personality shine, have projects and passions, have your own way and you will know that fucking a lot will be a natural and pleasant consequence. Moreover, showing some faults and weaknesses can help some girls feel more relaxed and pushing them to get more attached than the average party girl. PUA gives you a lot of techniques to call her and coerce her to accept, even though she really does not want to. Does it make any sense? We don´t want to force anybody, we are natural and we know what we are worth, so if she is not convinced, we are not going to beg and appear “needy” (as mystery would say). This does not mean to stop trying, but simply to move on and not trying to get all the girls you see simply because you are into PUA, and you have to have them all because Mystery says so.
Receiving human warmth instead of simply having her “give it away” is the key, as explained by Jack di Cuori at the seminary. Often, something that gets you laid faster than light is whena woman feels like you are not interested into shagging a warm body, or even too involved.